White coat. Heels.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
