it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
