you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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