She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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