When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize