We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
