I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
there is glitter all over my balls
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
