i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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