Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize