he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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