so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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