Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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