Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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