if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
