Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
