i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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