***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
