All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
