Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
