I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
