I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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