seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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