Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also, beer. Big fan.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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