Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
well you can't waste a boner
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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