Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
