he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
