I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
