I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
