There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
