There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
