I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
