It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
