I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
