Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
