my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize