People in love make me want to vomit
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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