SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
