she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I checked into jail on foursquare
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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