peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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