I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
