Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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