you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
