I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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