We're facebook friends in real life
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
