Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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