I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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