She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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