my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
