Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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