I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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