I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
