oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
