he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
