new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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