my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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