Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
All the doctor said was why
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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