kristin has been a bad kristin
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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