i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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