so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
