I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You ate ashes out of my bong
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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