New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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