how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
