I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's never too late to be topless.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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