He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
